Stephen Colbert on the other hand has been busy, it seems, eating Ewok.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
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Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFirst 100 Days
No word yet on whether or not there is an "Ewok Flu", but I'm sure that it is on the way.
I received a text message from a friend the other day, a text I have been told has been making the rounds of late, that reads like this:
It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly". Indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency...Swine Flu.
There is nowhere in the country that is more concerned about Swine Flu than Arizona. After all we have had no fewer than 4 documented cases as of this writing, with many more to follow I'm sure.
In fact, we were so distracted here in Arizona by the recent Swine Flu developments that we needed anything and everything to take our minds off of this disturbing trend. It's a good thing that we hosted the premiere for the big Hollywood blockbuster, X-Men Origens: Wolverine.
The Swine Flu has taken America by storm over the last week or so, which is sad, really, because news had been so positive this year for a change. Let's see...
There was a miracle landing on the Hudson River...
A ship's captain held hostage by Sudanese pirates was rescued...
And Susan Boyle won a talent comepetition...
Okay. Maybe not Susan Boyle so much.
The threat of a flu-pandemic has been lurking for quite some time now, but I am not all that worried about it. In fact, my take on the flu has been pretty consistent over the last few years. Only two demographics need be worried: The young/old, and the sick. Because I don't fall into one of these two categories, I feel reasonably safe, short of a few miserable days off of work.
I bet that your employer offers a flushot each year that is about as optional as donating to the United Way. But did that shot cover the Swine Flu?
Okay then.
Swine Flu isn't the only mutated virus floating around. Those of you who caught Fringe this week witnessed a mutated form of Syphillis. Apparently syphillis makes women crave spinal fluid???
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There were four cases of Swine Flu discovered this week in Arizona, but
I wonder if anyone was ever really looking for it before now. My
brother was home sick for a week with flu-like symptoms last month when
nobody was talking about this epidimic. In hind sight we all wonder if
maybe he had it after all. All I know is that he got through it. And
you can too!
Some major Hollywood blockbusters are pushing the panic switch when it comes to Swine Flu.
Apparently Star Trek is postponing its premier in Mexico because of Swine Flu...
Star Trek Premier Postponed!
And not to be outdone, X-Men Origens: Wolverine is doing the same:
Wolvie Won't Take Chances With Swine Flu!
I find this especially amusing because Wolverine just held its huge gala US Premiere right here in Tempe, AZ, the epicenter of American Swine Flu! (Sorry Hugh Jackman, it looks like you're fucked!).
Kidding aside, one of my big pet peeves is people who go to work sick. I feel like there are a certain amount of people out there who use their sick days as personal days, and don't have any more time left when they really do get sick. On this level, I commend my brother for callling out for a week whe he didn't feel well. There is nothing worse than getting sick because the bozo in the cubicle next to you probably has Swine Flu, but chose to use his sick days to go see U2 (or whatever).
That's exactly what I was concerned about when I went to work today and overheard one of my co-workers coughing up a lung all morning. I can't say for sure that he had Swine Flu, but did I want to take any chances? That's why I didn't think twice about starting a whispering campaign to have him sent home.
Look, just because I don't believe I will die should I get Swine Flu, doesn't mean I want to get it at all.
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